I Never Thought

I never thought. I never imagined. I never would have believed. How could I live here without you? What joy could life possibly hold for me? You were everything to me. You are everything to me. How can an entire year have passed? Each day a struggle. Where has the time gone? A year. 365 days. So much pain, yet also joy. Accomplishments. Victories. New job. Tattoo. New beginnings. And each and every step of the way I have felt you beside me. Sometimes leading, sometimes following, but always there. You guide me. I have become a different person. Very different. Bolder. More adventurous. More assured in some aspects. Terrified sometimes. Not so much anymore. You have sent to me many friends.   I never thought that I would have hopes and dreams ever again. Now I know.

I celebrate you. We celebrate you. Celebrate life. This beautiful moment in destiny that allows us to see what lies beyond and know that this is a celebration. And that it is ok. You are the love of my life, my soul mate, my beloved. You always will be. You're here, I feel you. Thank you, love. Thank you for sharing everything with me. For watching over me. For loving me. And know. Know how I carry you in my heart and soul. Always.  My beloved. It is time to live. Time for love and joy and bliss and happiness. Dreams come true. You are part of it, every bit of it. I pray that you will continue to walk beside us. Guide us. Love us. I honor you. I honor everything about you. You were a great man. You are a great soul.

With your love, with your guidance, life once again has meaning. Because I am not done yet. There is so much more we have to do here. So much love to give. So much more love in store for all of us. And your love shines through. You tell me it's ok. Ok to allow. My turn. Give it all away......., you remember. To love and be loved so deeply, so purely. You taught me that. And you will go on. You are here. In every blade of grass. In the reflection in the eyes of each newborn calf. In the clouds and sun and moon and stars. In our hearts. In our souls. Always.