Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Whispers In The Night

Don't know why that is the title of this post, it just came to me. The topic though is still hazy. I want to talk about the bathroom remodel and how much of a crazy insane thing that is. I want to talk about Chip. And work. And all these crazy feelings that are running through my mind. I want to remember all of the wonderful things that have been happening in my life, that my loved ones have said and done for me. But whenever I sit to blog, the words just fly out of my head. I know that they will come when they are ready. That's why I haven't blogged much.

My spiritual growth continues, but in a more mature, knowing, peaceful way. I don't feel that desperate need to go, go, go. I find that I am giving advice to others, and needing less for myself. I have settled into a bit of a comfy, relaxed attitude about my journey.

Things are stressful with the remodel, and work can always be a stinker. I find myself walking into the room, halfway through demo, and am hit with a wave of grief that knocks me to my knees. How can something so fun and exciting as a new bathroom cause such angst? I think because it has always been a dream of ours to do this, and do it ourselves. And now I am doing it, but having someone else do the work, and without Chip's influence. It is just one more thing that is not going to be the same any more. And that is not entirely a bad thing. I need to continue to move forward. Chip is still here. He walks with us. I know that he is tsking and chuckling about the adventures we are having with the remodel. I know he is shaking his head at the drywall work and the painting. Yes, I see the imperfections too. And I know that if you were doing the work yourself, it would not be that way. You always did perfect work. You are perfect. So I guess that this is just another reminder that you are no longer physically here.

You see, I feel like this is my time. I feel like life is worth living again. It is an adventure. And I have some wonderful souls to share it with. I have been struggling lately with the stress and my emotions have sometimes gotten the best of me. But I feel that I am on the cusp of a big positive breakthrough. Patience is a big deal here. I am like a kid, waiting for Christmas to get here. I want it and I want it now. But the best things are worth waiting for. And really, time is going pretty quickly. And yet it nearly stands still. How is that? I have mentioned that in a recent post. But it is all perspective. Let the boring, lonely days go quickly and let the fun, love filled, happy days last forever. And Ever.
And then roll over in the bed, reach out into the darkness, and touch the warm back of your beloved, pulling one another into a loving embrace, soft kisses growing harder and more urgent, and whisper your love to each other. Always.

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