Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Signs, Signs, Everywhere Signs - To Infinity And Beyond

Ok, so this is crazy but the last two days I have been receiving what I can only interpret as signs. What these signs mean, I have yet to determine, but they are there nonetheless. I really wish that I had some magic crystal ball, or some kind of translator that would enable me to know exactly what I am meant to learn from this.  One thing I do know is that I am desirable. That other people are attracted to me and my light and think I am worthy of their love and friendship. This means a lot to me as I am battling with this need to feel important and loved.

I know that I have only been posting sporadically, as the words just don't seem to want to come as easily as they used to. At first it was because I was busy being in love and feeling alive again for the first time in many years. Then it was because I was fearful and unsure, blocked and feeling hopeless. At this moment, I feel the energy beginning to shift and the possibility of a new adventure on the horizon. There are many things to accomplish here and I feel the calling. I still have the desire to sell the farm and run. Move to Florida and live on the beach. But there are ties here. I need to start cutting back on the things that are weighing me down and clear some space in my physical and spiritual world. This goes for possessions and people. Clear out everything that does not serve my highest good. Got junk? Pitch it. Negative people pulling me down, hurting me or otherwise treating me badly? Ditch them. It is time to clear the space and open up to all the wonderful things that life has in store for me. I have been in pain for far too long, it is time to live again.

I want to feel alive again.

Yes, in the beginning there were many signs. And I know what they meant. And I know that there is a meaning in everything we experience in this life. This was a lesson. And I thank you for that. I have been learning to exercise patience, faith, trust and discernment. I know that I can open my heart and love again, with the totality of my being. I know that, in feeling this deep, overwhelming feeling of love and bliss, I can see the future, forever, to infinity and beyond.

Shooting stars, fireballs, green grass, olives, the man on the tractor, a bus full of nuns holding babies, I want you to want me, walking down the hill toward the shed, voices, nose rubs, whispers meant to be heard, all of them signs. So many more.

I am ready. I will allow the Universe to supply me with all that I need and desire, gratefully, in the appropriate time. I will be patient. I will trust. I will believe. The easiest and hardest part of all of this is to just let go and allow it to come to me. Have faith and patience. What will be, will be. If certain people are meant to be in my life, then they will. If not, then I release them with love and wish them well. And welcome the new ones in. I will be looking for you. We have so many adventures to experience.

I feel myself censoring my words. Time to wrap this post up. It is almost 1:30 a.m. and I am getting a bit tired. I will ask the Universe for a sign tonight. Something that will leave no doubt as to my next step on this journey. I know that whatever path I take, it will lead to the bliss and love that I so desire. That is my destiny. And I feel that it is much more beneficial to relax and allow it to come to me rather than chase it. There are some people that I love very much and I hope that they are destined to be a permanent part of my journey, and in all the best and most loving ways.

Come and be witness to the magic unfolding in my life. Much love to you.

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Birthday Bliss

This whole week has been pretty amazing. Tuesday Ronnie, Julie and Emma came over and we roasted metts over the campfire, Ronnie made cheese cake, and we shot off fireworks. They stayed late and I felt so loved and cared about. It was one of those days that I felt like I was floating in happiness and security. Then Wednesday, Prudy and Mason brought me a dozen white roses and balloons and a gigantic cupcake. Then today, Prudy took me to lunch. Best birthday I have had in a long time. Oh, and Ronnie got me some beautiful hanging plants also.

Today I also got the old finish mower out of the weeds and tried to get it hooked up to mow. It took some doing, but we got it attached to the three point hitch, but the PTO shaft was seized up and I could not get it loose. Sprayed some wd40 on it and worked it with a wrench and lever and finally got it moving and turning the blades, but the shaft still would not pull forward to attach to the PTO. We let it rest for a couple hours and then went back at it and WOO HOO, we got it loose, and got it hooked up. But now we cant get one of the bar hitches to go on. It did before, so I am going to be patient and let the wd40 do its work on that and tomorrow I will try to tackle it again.

And now I am very sore and I think I deserve a nice relaxing evening on the patio with my Kindle. Today was a small victory for me. I figured out how to do some things for myself. I can do this. I just don't want to do it alone. You know, that's the thing. I know that I am capable and independent, but I also like having someone to lean on, to ask for help and advice. Who has my back. It is so nice.

So thank you all for the wonderful birthday. I love you.

Thursday, May 1, 2014

As Time Goes By

The passage of time...  So hard to believe that so much has happened in these years. So much life lived in the past 22 years that I mark my lifetime by. To me life began those 22 years ago. And it similarly ended 18 months ago. Then 8 months ago, it felt like it opened up again, and I was finally alive again. Why is life so difficult at times? I can see why some poor souls just give up. It will be better the next time around, they must think. And I ponder those choices myself. But I must remember, I survived the worst thing that could ever happen to me. Is life still difficult at times? Yes. And I really am tired of living in fear. Afraid of having my heart broken again. Afraid that I cannot do this. Yet I go on. I know that when the days are dark, it is very difficult to realize that the light is just a moment away. A positive thought away. A loving word from someone away. But as I was able to discover new love, the light does come again. We just must wait it out and allow. Sometimes we need the help of others in order to have the strength to persevere. That is why I am here. To help others see that there is light in life. If I felt that joy, that overwhelming, intoxicating, undeniable pure joy 8 months ago, then it is possible to feel it again. And again and again. Just because there is darkness, does not mean that the light is not right there, waiting to shine upon us once we have learned what it is we need to from the dark time, and shed the illusions and false beliefs that we needed to overcome to master the lesson. And love shall be ours.

17 years ago. God, how I still remember those days. I will just keep it personal now. I have those memories burned into my heart. The beginning of "Til death do us part." And we kept those vows. And we still have not parted, nor will we ever. Happy anniversary, my love.

And love is not restrictive. You can have more than one soul mate. I have said this before. I hope that I have found my second. I know that I have. And that goes for kids and step kids and others too. You can love so many people.

I wish that I were not so insecure. I have abandonment issues. I need to be loved and wanted and needed. I know that I am everything that I need. I am loveable, and desirable. Hell, I am quite the catch. There is this need to be important, special. But I am all those things. No need to look outside of ourselves, for everything we need is within us and has been always, from the beginning of time. This is one of the lessons we need to learn. So since I know this, doesn't that mean I am halfway to mastering the lesson? And once we realize these things, and practice self love, then we are able to really be open to love from our soul mates. I backslid a little ( ok a lot ) and now I need to come back to ground and realize that I am love. And love will come to me.

Someone gave me a compliment today that made all the difference. Others see me as desirable. I need to get back to myself again ( yet again, as anyone who reads this blog will know, I lose my way and then find my way back from time to time ) and start living in joy again. Everything I need is right here before me and within me. And as time goes by, I am growing stronger, wiser and more awesome than ever before. Love. Patience. Trust. Forgiveness. As I master my lessons in life, my life will become more and more wonderful and filled with love and miracles. So will yours.