Today it is 18 months. One year and a half that you have been out of your physical body. Is that why I am having such a hard time today? Or is it perhaps the full blood moon and eclipse that is causing my anxiety and confusion? I feel very needy and insecure today. Can I admit that I am feeling lost and unloved? I so long to have someone by my side right now, to hold me and let me rest my head on his shoulder. To let me know that everything is going to be ok. That I am not alone. I know you are still here. That you walk beside me. I can just imagine the look on your face right now as you watch me type these words, tears streaming. It hurts you to see me hurt. I long to feel your arms around me. Do you know how much I long to have that love again? I know. Today I want to be weak. To have someone who will be my strength. I want him to not be put off by the fact that I am sometimes needy and insecure and weak. To just love me and hold me and protect me and let me know that I am not alone and never will be alone, that I am safe. I want my heart to be safe.
God, I miss you. There is a lot more that I want to say, but not here. Meet me in that place of ours. Please. I need your love and guidance. And I need him. And I know that you sent him. The one that I fell in love with. I need to fall in love again, to be joyous and free and secure. Please come to me. Be everything that I need. I long for that romance.
My love, please send me strength. Allow me to be happy, loved and secure. You are in my heart and soul for eternity. We are and always will be one.