The passage of time... So hard to believe that so much has happened in these years. So much life lived in the past 22 years that I mark my lifetime by. To me life began those 22 years ago. And it similarly ended 18 months ago. Then 8 months ago, it felt like it opened up again, and I was finally alive again. Why is life so difficult at times? I can see why some poor souls just give up. It will be better the next time around, they must think. And I ponder those choices myself. But I must remember, I survived the worst thing that could ever happen to me. Is life still difficult at times? Yes. And I really am tired of living in fear. Afraid of having my heart broken again. Afraid that I cannot do this. Yet I go on. I know that when the days are dark, it is very difficult to realize that the light is just a moment away. A positive thought away. A loving word from someone away. But as I was able to discover new love, the light does come again. We just must wait it out and allow. Sometimes we need the help of others in order to have the strength to persevere. That is why I am here. To help others see that there is light in life. If I felt that joy, that overwhelming, intoxicating, undeniable pure joy 8 months ago, then it is possible to feel it again. And again and again. Just because there is darkness, does not mean that the light is not right there, waiting to shine upon us once we have learned what it is we need to from the dark time, and shed the illusions and false beliefs that we needed to overcome to master the lesson. And love shall be ours.
17 years ago. God, how I still remember those days. I will just keep it personal now. I have those memories burned into my heart. The beginning of "Til death do us part." And we kept those vows. And we still have not parted, nor will we ever. Happy anniversary, my love.
And love is not restrictive. You can have more than one soul mate. I have said this before. I hope that I have found my second. I know that I have. And that goes for kids and step kids and others too. You can love so many people.
I wish that I were not so insecure. I have abandonment issues. I need to be loved and wanted and needed. I know that I am everything that I need. I am loveable, and desirable. Hell, I am quite the catch. There is this need to be important, special. But I am all those things. No need to look outside of ourselves, for everything we need is within us and has been always, from the beginning of time. This is one of the lessons we need to learn. So since I know this, doesn't that mean I am halfway to mastering the lesson? And once we realize these things, and practice self love, then we are able to really be open to love from our soul mates. I backslid a little ( ok a lot ) and now I need to come back to ground and realize that I am love. And love will come to me.
Someone gave me a compliment today that made all the difference. Others see me as desirable. I need to get back to myself again ( yet again, as anyone who reads this blog will know, I lose my way and then find my way back from time to time ) and start living in joy again. Everything I need is right here before me and within me. And as time goes by, I am growing stronger, wiser and more awesome than ever before. Love. Patience. Trust. Forgiveness. As I master my lessons in life, my life will become more and more wonderful and filled with love and miracles. So will yours.