Chasing Forever

It's funny how life is. The things life throws at you. One minute you are going along, minding your own business, then BAM!!, life lobs something your way when you least expect it.

Have I not yet learned that I need to  relax and allow life to happen? To not try so hard to "find" the things I want and need. See, all the best things that have come to me have come when I have sent the intention or request out there, and then just let go and allowed them to come.

I had lost my way. I've been lost for nearly eight months now. Got caught up in all this drama and emotions. Where ten months ago I felt alive again for the first in a long time, the remaining time has been difficult. I have had many lessons to learn. Painful ones. And I know that I have posted my ups and downs here. There were times when I was in such despair, and then others when I was so uplifted and eager. One hell of a bipolar roller coaster ride. All lessons. Yeah, things crashed and burned, went up in flames. But from those flames, I emerge, the Phoenix. Reborn and new and fresh and ready to get back to my life purpose. I know that those of you who read this blog regularly have seen this coming for a while now, based on the posts and the hints contained therein. It just took a lot of experiences to piece together to form the final destination. I just needed to clear that negative energy from my life once and for all and now I need to infuse myself with positive healing energy.

My book has come back into my life, wanting some attention, but shyly- not demanding. I find myself writing snippets of ideas here and there, on scraps of paper or whatever is handy. As the idea comes into my head, I have to record it quickly, lest I forget. I am hopeful that I will begin channeling some good material again soon. I seem to have lost that ability during those difficult times as well. Everything seemed to halt. I should have seen that as a definite sign that I was not in alignment with my souls purpose. And oh, my intuition was screaming at me. Hindsight. But I am proud because now I realize that it really was my intuition and not just my imagination. And that demonstrates to me what my intuition feels like, so I know next time to listen up! In the past I had not had much need to use intuition. I was rarely in danger. So therefore, as it was little used, I did not know what it felt like. Oh, Friday night and last night it was banging me on the head with a two by four, and now I know why. Bittersweet victory, that. Don't tell me I'm not psychic. It's not just because I was suspicious and untrusting, its because you really were a lying, cheating, douche. Oh my, did I say that?? 

So my thoughts are winding down for now. I need to go walk and reconnect. More to say, but another time, another post. My thanks to the Universe for this lesson. May I use the knowledge I have gained wisely, for the greatest good. And NEVER go back there again. I am brand new, fresh, and this girl is on fire!!