Saturday, June 28, 2014

On Writing

"Write it down" he says. Well yes, I do. So that I can record all the wonderful things that have been said and done so that I can remember. Sadly, I was hoping that I would have more than mere memories. I was hoping that those wonderful things would continue "to infinity and beyond". But, alas, I do have the memories. And that way I know that what we said was true, and real, and not a figment of my imagination. I didn't make this stuff up, I swear. I am not crazy. But as I type these bittersweet words, my heart is ok. It is not hurting so badly, but rather feels at peace. Ending this chapter of my life, my journey, and beginning the next one. That is why I write.

As I look back at my older posts, I see my progression, and regression, through the trials and tribulations of life. I am learning. Right now I have learned to not be so needy. To not give so much so quickly. To be more independent ( as I always was anyway). To know that I am whole and complete just as I am and a super bonus for anyone who earns my love and trust. Over the past 22 years, I did not need to have these lessons, as I was blessed with the most honest, loyal partner that has ever walked this earth. Sigh. I should have taken what I learned from him and applied it here, but had no frame of reference to work from. I am ( was) totally naïve and did not believe that there would be such conniving people out there. It is just in my nature to be trusting, because I try so hard to be honest and trustworthy myself. If someone looks into my eyes and professes their feelings to me, I tend to believe them. And when it makes me feel so good and wonderful inside, I WANT to believe them. Yeah, I have to work on that. That and not wanting to keep in touch 24/7. Lesson learned.

You know that you are going to be ok when you cease to hurt any more.

This is all a part of my journey. And now that I am back on the path, I hope that things begin to escalate forward again, and I am able to quickly manifest my hearts desires. I pray for the strength to remember. Remember the lessons, and why I needed them. Remember that everything is going to get better and better. Remember WHO I AM. And I am surrounded with a great group of angels and guides to support me along the way.

This blog is a record of my journey, but I also intended it to be a source of healing and inspiration for others who read it and are going through the same lessons. Lately it seems to be just a sounding board for my "woe is me" feelings. Of course, I hope to look back on these posts and say to myself " wow, look at how badly you hurt over that and look at you now. You rock, girl! Life is 100 times better than it was when you thought it was the best back then."  Yes, life is only going to get better and better for all of us. You will see. And we will look back and say, " yeah, what was I so worried about? "

That is why I write.

For you Ronnie 

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