Midnight

It is Midnight and I have just finished up a conversation with someone that I have come to care very deeply about. Thank you. My head is pounding and my eyes are bleary. I have not slept well in weeks. This feeling of uncertainty and emptiness has been overwhelming. I finally feel that I can begin to think clearly. You see, sometimes you simply cannot do it all alone. I have been trying to be strong, not realizing that the real strength lay in being able to reach out and ask for help. Part of my personality is that I have to be the "fixer", I have to take care of everyone. But that leaves me empty and drained, and unable to take care of myself. It is time, actually it is way past that time, to accept that I need some help and to allow others into my life to aid and support me.

Thank you again, friend.

Aside from losing the love of my life, this is the most difficult thing I have ever gone through. I guess it is because my life has been so wonderful up till now. I have lived a very calm, peaceful and loving life. Then last year, things got turned upside down. First in wonderful, fun ways, but then in very stressful and painful ways. The stress and pain had caused me to stray from my path, to lose my connection to Spirit and all things dear to me. How could I have been so blind? I was so busy working on that situation and trying to hold on that I could not concentrate on living authentically. Now it is time once again to align with my true purpose, my souls calling. I regret the time that could be considered as wasted, yet have no regrets as there are no mistakes, only lessons. I pray that I have finally learned that lesson. I pray that my heart will now heal and I will be able to move forward again.

Thank you to my friends who are supporting me. I could never have imagined that this would be so painful, so hard. I must remember that I am worthy. I am whole and complete and awesome just as I am. I have made no mistakes in this relationship, only learned a great deal of painful lessons. As mentioned in the last couple of posts, I release all attachments to the people who have caused me so much pain. I send you off with love and thanks for the opportunity to learn and grow from this situation. Now I am free. You have no power over me, ever again.  When you run with the pigs, you get muddy. Time to wash off that mud and make some bacon!

White Tiger, thank you from the bottom of my heart for being the lead of my support group. I send you much love and appreciation.