The Storm Inside Me

Was going to blog last night but just couldn't seem to do it. I had a wonderful day with Bonnie. We went to see the Diana exhibit and then shopped for some clothes for our trip to Florida ( that's right, I actually did commit to a trip! ) then had a great meal at El Rancho Grande ( no margaritas) and back home for a nice campfire. The fire was hard getting started but finally Bernie's black magic did its trick. And then the thunder and lightening and rain. So off to the patio for some fun with Dave's ringtone for me. Hey, Dave, we all had margaritas that night! Sigh. What would I do without you guys? So after all that, I was left feeling a little alone and down. And I can't mow today because it's raining. So looks like a boring day today for Cin. Gonna watch a movie and clean the house.

Don't stop believing is playing. One of the theme songs for my life. I feel a little confused today. The Blue Ash festival is coming up, the one that was such a magical night for me last year. I hope I can rediscover the magic again. The night that I could actually recognize that I was finally coming back to life. The opening to a new path on my journey. Holy crap! I just just just now realized this: "journey", "Don't Stop Believing". How have I never made that connection before? I guess it was meant to come just now, may not have meant anything before now. Just allow, Cin. All will come to you as it is meant to.

This has been a crazy week. In a good way, or so I thought. Lots of fun times. I found new inspiration, new words to share. Tonight I feel so blue though. Took a long walk in the clover field. Then went to town to get cat food and Burger King. Then to the community center to contemplate walking and having my burger but I figured I would just go on home and share it with Annie. Travis is going to be on the radio show Tuesday night so I am really excited for that. I am rambling. There are so many feelings and thoughts going on in my head, and I really just need to sort them out and then maybe they will flow. This week I got my first manicure and facial ever. And I got to have a lot of fun with Kelly and Barb and even made a new friend.

There is a sort of disconnect here. I feel the energy pulling back from me. I hope contained within it is all the negative energy that had been swirling about lately. I have felt so good, so inspired, so connected the last few days. And I have realized something. I don't have to worry anymore. Worry about what's going on, what people are up to. But that makes me sad too. I know this doesn't make sense but I don't have the words to describe it and don't want to give too many details. But I always worry about everyone I care about. Are they safe? Are they happy? But I cant make a difference with my worries, so I have to release them . And that will give me peace. I only have myself to worry about , and that is plenty, believe me.

I hope the stars are out tonight. I need a good walk " naked" beneath the starry sky. What is this? I don't recall feeling like this before. A heaviness. I have felt so good and happy all week. Have I taken on someone else's feelings? I need to center and ground and clear my energy. Perhaps those things that no longer serve me are finally sloughing off, readying me for new and exciting adventures. What lies ahead, on this path? Well, I am just going to be patient and calm and allow it to unfold before me. The storms may have made things a little slick and muddy, but tomorrow the sun will come out and dry the earth and I will resume my journey, refreshed, anew.

Love to you all.