On my journey, I am trying so hard to open to Spirit and become more attuned to the Universe. Sometimes I feel as if I am trying too hard.
"Just allow it to flow" is the message I received just now while writing these thoughts. The answer is within me - has been all along.
I find myself asking for insight often throughout the day, calling upon my guides and guardians for help, answers, and peace and also to assist others. I find myself sending loving thoughts to others, silently wishing them all the wonderful things the Universe/ God/ Spirit has to offer. Also I am realizing that I need to offer myself that same love and compassion, so that I can then turn it toward others with a joyful heart, and in doing this I feel a deeper connection with my soul and in turn, the Universe.
During my younger years I allowed myself to be conditioned to following and interpreting life in the same manner of my parents, even though it did not feel authentic to me. I remember being told that I had to get good grades and "be a good girl" or my mother would not love me, would be disappointed in me. That is an incredible amount of pressure to put on anyone, and even though it may have been given in love for the purpose of encouraging me to "succeed", it created a deep seated psychological barrier in my self. I closed off the intuitive part of myself out of fear. Surely I was unworthy of such a tremendous gift. Now I am pushing aside the fear and shame that I have felt for forsaking my God given gift. I am opening to the Universe and asking for forgiveness and courae and the ability to reclaim my gifts and strengthen them and utilize them for the betterment of my lift and that of all beings.
I realize that Chip's transition was the main catalyst for my absolute determination to overcome my self limiting attitudes. Even though most of my life I have been seeking this knowledge and understanding, and trying to increase and utilize my skills, until now it did not feel as urgent to me. Now all of a sudden, I am feeling that pull. Where in the past I might have been considered a casual seeker, now I feel as if there is something very very important out there for me. I AM finally feeling awake and alive.
Yes, Chip is the love of my life, my soul mate, and my heart aches each and every day for him. What the future holds in store for me, I do not know, but I hope that he will walk by my side, and continue to love and encourage me on this path. It is a journey that we will take together.
Love and Light to all.