Monday, September 8, 2014


Yes, Cin. You need that. And so you wait. You wait and wonder. You wait and wonder and dream dreams of what could have been, what may yet still be. You made a new friend that said they wrote the book on patience. Take a page from that book. Let it teach you well. But is it fair to have patience in something that may never come? If I knew it were coming, then yes, yes I could have patience. It would be well worth that. And that would be considered faith. Another of my lessons needing learned. Again and again. How many times has my faith been tested? Dreams shattered? Heart broken. All lessons.Damn, I am going to be so smart when I cross the veil. Lets hope some of the rewards come to me now. God, I am a hopeless romantic. Oh, baby, I know you are watching over me right now. You see my "adventures".  I pray you will continue to walk beside me and offer me that big broad shoulder to lean on, strength and encouragement.

I was told by same friend that I have a big heart. Why yes, yes I do. And that heart would never ever deliberately hurt anyone, or break another heart. Why am I so driven to love so much, and to want to help and heal others? If I have a gift, then why is it not coming to fruition? Why are those in my life backing away? The inspiration is fleeing. I feel as if I am chasing a dream. The vision of a life lived well and in love. And yet it still eludes me.

Have faith. And patience. The Universe will send me what I most need, and desire. In the perfect time. REMEMBER if it is meant to be, it will. Patience.

There are so many things I want to do, and see and live, and it just seems like none of them are happening. Where is my second soul mate? Where is my book? Why do I not have the energy to write like I used to? Where is my inspiration?  A new set of lessons, then? To open my eyes and heart? I was so inspired several weeks ago, felt alive and energized, ready to take on the world again. The book was rattling around in my head, tossing out a sentence here, a paragraph there. Was it you who gave me that inspiration? Ah, yes. And there was a lot in that too. My stupid, big heart. As always, I need to relax and allow.

You may understand this post. Maybe it is way too cryptic. I will remember. I will know. It is hard to let go of some things, things that I dreamed were coming true. I was feeling alive and inspired and eager to see each new day and what magical times it held. Actually looking forward to things. I was making new friends, friends that I was coming to care a great deal for. A sweet little girl named Stella, how I miss you. I hope you miss me too. Maybe someday we will play again.

I have so many dreams. There are so many things that I have yet to accomplish. Perhaps there is a camel race to ride in somewhere??  And no doubt, books to write and seminars to give. Will I be able to realize my dreams and become a healer?  I have been in such a state these past few weeks. And that after being so happy and inspired. What a huge disappointment and let down. And so I must center and ground and find myself once again. It is time for the old Cindy to return. I have hurt for far too long, I have grieved for far too long. I want to live. To love. To give my heart and soul to someone who will do the same for me. To write. To heal. To help mankind in any way I can. It is time to relax and allow and be one with the universe once again. It has been such a long time since I have felt Chip close. Felt Spirit near. Felt inspiration knocking at my door. I got myself lost. And I had hoped that I was found again, but, alas, it was but a mirage. Perhaps another time, dear one. But I must concentrate on me and rekindle in myself that fire that brings forth my destiny. I had all but given up. It is now or never. I pray that I will re-connect and start experiencing the wonder and beauty of life once again.

I allow. I allow the Universe to provide me with all that I need to be happy and successful in every area of my life. The right people and circumstances shall find me, at exactly the right time, and we shall be happier than we have ever been before.

My prayer is that you all will too.

Many loving thoughts to you all tonight. All our dreams will come true. Have faith. Have Patience.

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