Monday, September 15, 2014


I hope I remember this. I had a realization this morning. And it was such a relief. I felt you there, as well, if it was you, or someone else equally protective of me. And I felt your approval and possibly delight at my realization. I recognized the warning, that Saturday, I felt it and should not have ignored it. I should have known. I should have trusted my own intuition, those feelings do not lie and I can believe in my own abilities and my own protection system. I knew the moment the steel doors came down. I should have closed mine off as well at that moment, to keep from getting hurt. but I still had hope, and not so much confidence in my warning system. And had I listened, the outcome would still have been the same, only with a little less pain. Perhaps I can say that I learned the littlest bit more from the experience since I allowed it to get to me so much more. Lots more feeling and emotion invested in the lesson. Perhaps everything occurred just as it was meant to.

What I learned from this:  I felt as if I was too heartbroken to go on. Like here I had allowed life to enter my heart once again, and had it pulled right out of my chest yet again. Hurt, lost, defeated. Why? What had I done? How could the Universe have sent me this experience, allowed me to feel the life returning, only to pull it all back away again? Well, for one, I was blinded. I saw some issues, some warning signs. Was that the purpose? To show me, since I have very little frame of reference for these things? Now I know that feeling, that warning. I wont ignore it again. I have become stronger for this experience. In a year when I look back at this post, will I even remember what it is about, the pain that it caused, the relief that washed over me when I finally understood and accepted the lesson? Because now, what 3 weeks ago seemed an impossibility, I feel content. I understand. I got my answer. And most importantly, I have peace. I know that this is my path. Even if you only traveled it with me for such a short time, you had a purpose in it. To show me that all that glitters is not gold.

To remind me that I am powerful beyond belief and that I am stronger than I know. That my own spirit is invincible. That I am safe. I am protected. I was looking outside of myself for that. Doubting my own abilities. This was a wake up call to remind me. REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE, CIN. I had a carrot on a stick dangling before me. The perfect "situation" ( or so it seemed as it was presented to me ) and I took the bait, so to speak. Honestly. Faithfully. Pure of heart. It got me hurt, but not for the reasons it could have. I did nothing wrong. I should be flattered. You know what, I think I am flattered.

At this moment, I feel that it is not yet quite complete. Our paths may yet cross again. I still feel that energy out there. But my lesson is to hold fast to this realization. Perhaps a bit more closure coming my way? We will see. This post will be the landmark of the experience. I will use it to track if any further energy associated with it comes my way. But most important is that I do feel a sense of peace and closure with my realization. My understanding. 1. it was a lesson in trusting my intuition. 2. it was a lesson that I am strong. 3. it is a lesson that when good things go away, better things will come. ( this is where faith and patience come in ) . Allow that feeling to permeate my being. Know it, trust it. It is my support system protecting me, guiding me.

Thank you for the lesson, as hard as it was. Thank you for caring so much about me, I am flattered and honored and I return the emotions. Thank you for walking my path with me. I feel the shift. I have entered a new phase in my journey. Scars taking the place of open wounds. Reminders, of lessons learned, pain and joy. The promise of a bright, new life ahead.  Relief. Strength. I am strong. I am protected. I am loved.  I understand.

No comments:

Post a Comment