Almost made a Freudian slip in my spelling.
Life is such a beautiful thing. Though it is filled with struggle, pain and turmoil, it always, always goes back to its origin - Love. So many wonderful things have happened so far this year, this is kind of a 1st quarter report. First, I am coming to the realization that it is ok to live and be happy. Chip wants this for us. It is no honor to him to deny myself happiness and contentment. Being kind to myself, gentle and caring, is actually showing him my love and respect. Like I said before, he was always extremely protective of me. Nothing has changed. But yes, dear, I still miss you. I miss the sound of your voice,loudest thing in my ear. I miss the touch of your skin, the beat of your heart as you hold me close. Nothing, nothing will change that. But I know, too, that you are working to help facilitate these wonderful things that are appearing in my life ( our lives ) . I have made some new friends, who give me the feeling that I have known them all along, over many lifetimes. Especially important right now as I am reaching out to the Universe to seek my soul friends, and with them a sense of belonging. Going back to my childhood, I never felt as if I belonged. I was a stranger and was treated like it, too. What could the reason for this be? Why would I not be born into my soul family? Did these people have things to teach me, or damage me, that I needed in order to align with my life's path? Does the fact that there are 20 years between Chip and me have anything to do with it? But anyway, there are people out there that I feel a deep connection to, and I hope that I am able to develop that connection. This is all about learning.
Something to work on: I am absolutely amazed and humbled that the Universe is providing me with these wonderful things. I need to remember that I deserve them. And many more fantastic things as well. Now to become more sensitive and able to connect with Spirit and Source.
Ben and Paul came by today to pick up the old tanks and hay wagon that I sold them. While they were hauling things off, I experienced a huge wave of melancholy. Here were things that Chip brought home so excitedly, with plans to create something new out of them, something useful. He never got to do that. And now I am sending them off with someone else. Sad for so many reasons. But I cannot use them, and Ben and Paul are going to make use of them as Chip intended. This way the creativity lives on, and I get the place a little cleaned up. I just hope Chip understands this. It wasn't difficult to sell Bella, since he and I had already discussed it and planned to. But some of these things, I know he had big plans for and it makes me sad to think he never got a chance to do it.
We also discussed selling the farm in Indiana. I am all set to do this, and then just this morning, while thinking about getting things started, I had a second thought. The home farm is big enough to support the numbers we have already, and a few more. If I concentrate on a few high quality head of cattle for breeding and showing purposes, then we will be fine. If I want to increase the herd for commercial purposes, then we will need more hay ground, which is where the farm in Indiana comes in. Up until this point, I have been happy to cut back on the numbers and relax a little, be good to myself and not create any additional stress. But now, since the Universe is blessing me with all these wonderful gifts, I am feeling a little more adventurous. But I cannot do it by myself. I will need a business partner. I have a couple of people in mind that I could trust. But I just don't know. I mean, the thought came to me this morning, clear as a bell, but is it just wishful thinking, or a real sign? I will think about it, and if it is meant to be, then the people I have in mind will approach me and I will know. And we can start from there.
Tell you what, I have been feeling all kinds of confident lately! I deserve these wonderful gifts, and it's ok to be happy. This is my time. I have not felt so good in a long time. Chip is by my side, this I know, and he is cheering me on in this journey. Don't know if you read this, Brad, but if you do ( or even if you don't I am still sending love and light ) I am so grateful for all the work we are doing together. I Am learning, I Am BEcoming, I Am evolving.
Just got a "nudge" " There is much to do my friend. Loved one, we will do this together, the universe is ours to see. Let us traverse it together and be free."
Love and light to all