Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Missing You

Chip used to sing this song all the time and something reminded me of it just now and I felt compelled to post this. It is the closest to the version he used to sing.

Streets of Laredo
As I walked out in the streets of Laredo
As I walked out in Laredo one day
I spied a dear cowboy wrapped up in white linen
Wrapped up in white linen and cold as the clay
"I see by your outfit that you are a cowboy"
These words he did say as I boldly stepped by
"Come sit down beside me and hear my sad story
I am shot in the breast and I know I must die
"It was once in the saddle I used to go dashing
It was once in the saddle I used to go gay
But I first took to drinkin' and then to card playin'
Got shot in the breast and I am dying today
"Oh, beat the drum slowly and play the fife lowly
Play the dead march as you carry me along
Take me to the green valley, there lay the sod o'er me
For I'm a young cowboy and I know I've done wrong
"Get six jolly cowboys to carry my coffin
Get six pretty maidens to bear up my pall
Put bunches of roses all over my coffin
Put roses to deaden the sods as they fall
"Then swing your rope slowly and rattle your spurs lowly
And give a wild whoop as you carry me along
And in the grave throw me and roll the sod o'er me
For I'm a young cowboy and I know I've done wrong
"Go bring me a cup, a cup of cold water
To cool my parched lips," the cowboy then said
Before I returned his soul had departed
And gone to the round-up, the cowboy was dead
We beat the drum slowly and played the fife lowly
And bitterly wept as we bore him along
For we all loved our comrade, so brave, young, and handsome
We all loved our comrade although he'd done wrong

Chip had a way with horses. Kind of like the horse whisperer. I really could use his insight and experience with Buck. Oh, he taught me a trick or two. Too bad I am not 18 any more and bold enough to try anything.

Been missing him a lot lately. More than I wanted to admit to myself. I was passing off my bad week and frustration and depression as just crap at work and the mouse and etc., etc. It took a very wise and dear person to help me to realize that I feel this way because I just miss Chip like crazy. And that admission was like a weight lifted off my shoulders. It did not take away the pain and grief I am feeling, but it did make me understand that it's ok to feel this way. I have been trying so hard to be strong and to put on a brave face, while all this time I have been hurting so much inside. Maybe now that I am cognizant of this fact and admit my deepest feelings ( which I am sharing with anyone who happens to read this ) I can bring it into the open and begin to work on healing. I know that I am trying too hard right now to connect to the Universe and Spirit. Things just don't seem to be flowing as easily as they had been, and I was worried and frustrated about that, afraid that I have lost this new found sense of ability and peace. Probably I just need to get grounded and allow. Rather than try to control and force things, I need to go with the flow and let the Universe come to me in its own infinite wisdom.  You're trying too hard, Cin. I guess I am afraid that if I don't go at this thing great guns, then I won't get any success. Aughhhh.. Doubts. I cannot allow them into my head. I AM an awesome, powerful, spiritual being on a journey  toward love and light. I AM worthy of this and all the good things that are to come. Just gonna take a step back and relax a little and allow. Chip knows I am not giving up on him or myself.  I sure could use a big bear hug right now. But a note: I did get those 3 signs this week. And that proves that the Universe has not forgotten about me. Now pull your bike out of that rut and get back on that path, Cin!

Rattling my spurs with love!

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