Sunday, March 17, 2013

Will the Sun Ever Shine?

Double meaning.

Another winter weather advisory for today and tonight. Damn it!!! We need warmth and sun for the pastures to grow.

I continue to work on myself, but am having a difficult time these last few weeks. I did turn on Pandora Radio yesterday and danced around the house cleaning. This is really tough work, you know. I have lost weight this week. YAYYYYY! I need to continue strengthening my muscles, physically, emotionally, spiritually. There is a lot of work to be done out there and in here. I have not had many hits of inspiration lately. I love when "something" inside me just takes over, pushes my analytical mind to the side, and lets flow.

Really look forward to Monday and Tuesday nights now. Best nights of the week. You know, I just love challenges. If you tell me to do something, chances are I will rise to the occasion. I guess when I am depressed, it is just a little harder to remember. I need something soothing for the soul.
There are just so many things on my mind right now that I feel very overwhelmed, as I can see with the disjointedness of this post. I am all over the place. My feelings of connection have not been as strong the last several days, and this is really depressing me. Of course I am panicking that this is it and I will not have those wonderful encounters again. I simply cannot believe that though. Things should be getting stronger. What is holding me back? 

Looks like I need to go get myself grounded. Maybe that will help. I spent the entire day in the house yesterday with the exception of getting Kurt into the woods. It is time to go to the farm and walk amongst them. Maybe I will be able to get a couple of those young bulls castrated. Best to do it now before the flys come out. Yeah, there is something I am capable of - professional ball removal. I do know that when I am in a better place emotionally that my thoughts will flow more fluidly as well. The continuity is just hindered for now. But I am working on it. No one can say that I am not trying.


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