Today is the family reunion. As a proponent of positive thinking, I am a little ashamed to say that I was feeling very reticent to attend this year, fearing that it will be too overwhelming for me. The last time I saw everyone was at Chip's funeral. I don't like that word. Memorial is better. Evidently Pru was feeling the same way until we discussed it via e-mail. Up until a few days ago I felt that it would be too much and that, based on the emotions I experienced during the hay season, watching someone else do his work and drive his beloved Big Blue Tractor , it would make me too sad to be able to interact with everyone. But after working through things in my head ( and this is really important here because I made this decision completely on my own without asking ANYONE for advice ) I decided that I need to go. To represent us. Chip will be by my side. And I will not go in with any pre formed expectations. Best to be open and ready to have fun. He would want us to go on and enjoy, and connecting with his family is an excellent way to connect with him as well. So yes, I will be attending. And looking forward to it. And it helps that my new partner in crime, Bonnie, is in charge of setting everything up and I am going with her to help get everything together and ready for the party. Then tonight afterward she is having a campfire at her house. And I can actually drive back home even in the dark, since she is my next door neighbor of sorts. So I AM looking forward to this. My hope is that Chip will be very close and we will connect and enjoy the day together.
Something is definitely in the air. Bluebirds. Remember that. Twice now. And the feeling that washed over me each time I saw them. Not your regular bluebirds. Much deeper. And it occurred to me last night that when doing my experiments, the universe first sent me a blue balloon, then a blue Easter egg ( laying next to my car in the parking lot in July - what else could that be but a sign? ) and now blue birds! And each and every one so far has a sort of connection to the other - bird, egg, the ability to fly, blue. LOL, I just saw the unintended pun in the first sentence of this paragraph! Ohhh so now I have a bit of a game going - discover the message!
This is kind of a personal thing and maybe I should reserve some of my observations and feelings for my private journal. I go back and forth on whether or not I should share as much as I do. But really, it is all part of the process. The voice that I usually use in this blog is one of a friend discussing her feelings and experiences with other friends. And it does take some courage to be so vulnerable. I am not nearly as anonymous as I was 6 months ago. But, and I have said this before, I need to be true to myself. I will look through these posts in the future and re-experience my growth and evolution. I will laugh at some of the crazy, off the wall adventures I have been on ( tattoo, mystery Civil War cowboy anyone? ) and so many others to come. Being able to review the times when I felt overwhelmed and discouraged and then the next day had one of the most wonderful days, it is a good lesson. We tend to forget the good days and focus only on the bad. We need a reminder of the good.
And in reality, there is so much more good. In fact, it is all good. Without the bad, one would never realize just how amazingly good things really are. Tends to put things in perspective.
Ha, I am rambling now.
Guess the important thing to pull out of my head right now ( because it keeps knocking and wants to be recognized ) is that through this journey I am connecting with some amazing friends. And this connection seems to be getting stronger and stronger each moment. Not hard to realize that the universe is sending me the people that are meant to be here, and maybe, just maybe, I am meant to be in their lives, too. I will not name names, because you know who you are when I say how grateful I am for the dearest friends that have come into my life and accepted me into yours. And I just got a flash, a very strong one, that I have a purpose in your lives too. That is undeniable. Ah! Source is speaking to me again. Or, better stated, I am grounding and allowing and receiving again.
Thank you dear friends for your love and support. Know that I am here for you as well. This has been gnawing at me for several days now. My purpose is coming to consciousness. Another of those times of realizing that things are falling into place. The signs are there, just need to look for them.