You got that right. You figured it out. But that is because you are awesome. Yeah, it makes complete sense that my stress was caused by my childhood conditioning and the need for perfection. It is just that I do not want to make mistakes, and I want to do everything perfectly. Now, when you just take a step back and look at the situation from a different viewpoint ( someone else's ) it really is ridiculous to think that anyone ( myself included) should expect perfection. If there is something that I have never done before and do not know how to do, why would I beat myself up for not knowing? That's just crazy. And then I become obsessed with the fear that people will look down on me because I do not know or am not familiar with things. And why would they? No one is putting pressure on me except for me. I feel that I should automatically know how to do everything, and to do it perfectly. Hogwash! If you show me something, once I understand it, I've got it. Then I can work on "perfecting" my skills. Just like any job I have ever had, I learned it and excelled at it once I was comfortable and understood. Just takes practice. And each new thing is added to my toolbox.
Today I added a trip to downtown to my toolbox. I have a mental block with going downtown due to a very traumatic ( at the time, hey I was a wimp) experience. And I do not see well, which adds to the stress. But I WAS SUCCESSFUL! And I know if BMK reads this, he is probably shaking his head right now.
So please remember and understand, Cin - everything I have done before, I have excelled at after learning the procedures. There is no lack of heart, no lack of commitment in my efforts. The fact that I desire to excel at what I do is a good thing. Just need to remember that all things come in good time.
Time to relax, and allow and go with the flow again. Things seem to be coming to me again and I am loving the connection.