I usually don't show the real me to people, at least not until we have known one another for quite a long while. It is easier to allow people to think that I am quiet and not very deep. I don't discuss religion or politics, don't like to participate in debate of any kind. Therefore, people may think that I am, at the least, uninformed or disinterested, at the more extreme, possibly, unintelligent. Really doesn't matter. It is very difficult to share what is in my heart. Not necessarily because I don't care to share, but mostly because most others do not understand, or care to understand. This makes it very difficult at times, to live in my truth. So many times when I am "nudged" with information, the inspiration strikes to share. However, when I try to explain my thoughts, feelings and experiences to others, they tend to look at me as if I have sprouted an extra head which has begun spewing obscenities at them.
In living authentically, I have become more open, tentatively, with certain people, feeling them out, so to speak. But generally, the people that I know personally and see often do not know the inner dimensions of my heart and soul. I also know that part of my purpose on this path is to change that. To summon my courage and to share my inspirations with all beings. I believe that as I become more and more accepting of this fact, and more and better prepared, the insights and inspirations will become stronger, sharper, more regular , easier to understand and interpret, and will flow more smoothly. It is getting close to that time for my self created veil of ignorance to unravel and expose the truth behind the veil.
And in looking back at my posts, I can follow my own evolution, and the times I perceived that I had fallen back. I now know that there is never a time when we go backwards. We are always, constantly moving forward. These moments are just points in which we are beginning a new lesson, a new way of experiencing, a new chance to overcome a certain obstacle and move to the next stage of our journey. We may perceive it as going backwards, but truly it is just a new beginning, an opening for forward motion.
Some days I am deeply inspired, others no words will come and I am left grasping, trying to fill the page and explain my feelings. I am beginning to realize that at those times, when I felt like the Universe and Spirit had abandoned me, that actually, I was just in a period of rest, gearing up for the next step on the path. And the fact that most of these steps are seemingly small and "unimpressive" allowed them for the most part to enter my mind unconsciously. I really only have acknowledged the larger, more obvious insights, the times that I received signs, nudges, channelings, messages, etc. That is when I truly felt the connection to Source and Spirit, and felt like I was truly on the correct path. And of course, the big things have only happened occasionally, so the rest of the time I have felt left out. Now I know and understand that this form of thinking is incorrect. All is flowing smoothly, as it should, in the appropriate time and place. If not for the "dry" times, I would not recognize and appreciate the blessings I am receiving. Yes, I truly love these moments when that peace washes over me and I begin to receive insights and advice, to feel that great connection to Spirit and Chip. And even though, still, the words that I want to express do not always come, words that can truly convey the meaning of the "feelings, insights and thought forms" that I am receiving, I have a deep knowing that, in time, they shall.