It is hard to believe that it has been 10 months. Where has the time gone? On one hand it seems as if it were yesterday, and on the other, like eternity has passed. This is harder than I thought. Typing this post while at lunch because when I get home I am going to be good to myself. I am going to take White Tiger's advice and take a nice bubble bath, and light some candles and just be. There is so much I want to share here, but it is so personal that I am going to break my "vulnerability and openness" clause and keep some stuff to myself. Yes, you are correct. When I look back the past 8 months, especially, I do see how far I have come. And strangely ( synchronistic ) enough, last night , earlier, I spoke with Chip about all of the accomplishments that I have made since. And was planning on listing all of these things. And I shall, in my private journal. That is why it is so hard to believe the passage of time and how strange it is that it seems both quick and everlasting. My heart sometimes feels a lifting, peace and openness. As if all is well and all will be well. This is the sensation I strive for, long for. To have this always. But life does not always play by our wishes and sometimes my heart still wants to break. So the point is that, based upon some good and welcome advice, I am going to be good to myself. Kind, gentle, loving. Chip would want this. He does want this. It serves no one for me to be so hard on myself. Wow, grief is such hard work! You run through all the emotions, from feeling guilty for being the survivor, paralyzed with trepidation for the future, angry for being left behind, to longing to soothe that ache in you heart and soul. And missing your loved one like crazy the entire time. That is what this journey is all about. No one said it would be easy. But I do have faith that it will all work out. Life will become fun and happy and fulfilling. And I mean that for everyone who is grieving. But, God, it's rough. In experiencing all of these feelings, we will overcome our hurdles, grow and evolve, become stronger of heart and mind. And our loved ones are ever near, cheering us on. Loving us always.
Hang in there!