Sunday, April 14, 2013

Success ( Kind Of )

Tomorrow may big a deep post if I take the time to do it. But for now, just want to share. First, the grass is growing so fast I figured I need to get it cut. So down to the gas station for some fuel and then to Home Depot for some flowers. I decided to make a blue garden for Chip. So I got a bunch of pretty blue plants and flowers and brought everything home and planted him a garden. I felt him there beside me, I think he approves. I will need to get some more flowers for fillers, but I didn't really measure or plan the garden first. I just followed my intuition as to what to pick and how many to get. I like it.

 The truck acted funny on the way down. Like the brakes didn't want to engage very well and I smelled them burning. Great. The brakes are not that old so will have to check that out. The windshield cracked last week too. Aughhh. Well, the body is rusting away too, so may be time to look into a new ( old ) one. But really we planned to keep this one until it rusted into the ground. Dunno. It really is a workhorse, that old truck. But the V-10 engine is a killer on gas.

And got the hand mowing done. Chip always felt bad that I would mow by hand while he used the riding mower. But really I enjoy pushing the mower. It is great exercise and gives me a great feeling of satisfaction. What a great way to get back in shape, although my back is smarting a little tonight ( darn you Buck ).  Then went to start the Bad Boy. Well, the battery was dead. Crap. Then I found the battery charger. Now please understand. Chip did everything. Everything. I had no idea how to hook up the charger and if it would work. But a quick peek at the instructions and I hooked it up and after a couple of hours the battery charged and I got that mower started. Then it stalled in the middle of the front yard when I tried to engage the blades. Then the battery died again. Aughhhhh. So I pulled out the extension cords, and the charger, and got the battery going again. By that time I decided to just let it go and put the mower back in the garage. I will take it on another day, probably after getting a new battery.

So today I felt a little more grounded and settled. Actually looking forward to work tomorrow. I really miss Chip being here physically to encourage me. It's like, no matter what, everything was ok in his arms. And yes, I understand that this is my time to face my fears and move forward on my journey. I do not walk alone. I have my beloved by my side and I have some very good friends who are supporting me as well.

I was going to post some insights I received today, but think I will reserve that for another time.

" Do not give up, do not give up, beloved. The future is full of adventure and excitement. There is much to learn, much to do, much love to share. By your side always will I be. You have just to call and I am here. Our journey has just begun, you and I. We shall take the stars and scatter them for all to see . They shine with our love. Always with our love. "

May the light of love shine in your eyes

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