Tuesday, April 30, 2013

No Regrets

Have really been pushing my limits lately. No regrets. I need challenges. But it is kind of difficult because I am still hurting. Just that I have yet to get into a comfortable routine. Maybe routine is not the appropriate concept, because that denotes a little bit of "easy". And as I just said, challenge is good.  But, yeah, routine is what I mean. There are all these new things going on in my life and it is stressful, even for the good things. Just adopted a cat, and I am stressed and worried about her, making sure she is happy and fits in here. Worried that she may not be happy, or that Annie will not be happy, or that Abby will escape, etc.etc. And Annie has a hot spot on her face that is getting sore and I am trying to shave it and she is not having any of that and I am frustrated because I simply can not do it by myself. And I think I have sold the farm in Indiana, my buyer is working on financing. So there is the stress of coming up with the necessary legal paperwork and title work and such. But I can hire a real estate agent and get them to run the paperwork, I think. And of course, the home farm. All this stuff needs done and just me to do it. It is like lots and lots to do.

So ok, since there is no one here to talk me down and reassure me: Dammit Cin, Listen up!! :

1. The cat will fit in. Annie is eager to have a new friend. And this is no different than when Gloria was here. A little food and water and clean a litter box. And a new friend to love.
2. Annie will heal, just like last year. If I need to I can take her to the vet and get her fixed up right quick.
3. Call a damn agent and they will be happy to make some extra cash to help with the paperwork.
4. One step at a time. Pru and Mike and I can take it one step at a time and get this stuff done. Not much got done the last 2 years anyway and the place didn't fall apart. I will get the tractor going and get the bush hog on and get the yard cut. And get some help getting the trees cut and moved. And then it's just hay. And hopefully there are a couple of people to help with that. And getting the bull and the calves out of here won't be too hard at all. I am a champ at doing that kind of stuff.

I guess I am just feeling really alone lately. Might have said this before, but it would be a little different if I lived in a little house or apartment somewhere, with very little maintenance to do. Lots less responsibility. And that is overwhelming. Because I have all of this responsibility, all these animals to care for. And sometimes I wonder if I can even take care of myself. Ha!

But I just keep plugging along, now don't I? After all, I am an awesome, powerful soul. I would be so completely bored if I weren't challenging myself. But I don't like feeling out of sorts. It puts a damper on my other needs. I need to be relaxed and open so I can receive guidance.

So there, I have had my little blog meltdown ( good naturedly, of course - gotta have humor along with it ) and I feel a bit better. Just got overwhelmed. And though there are challenges, I need them to grow and advance on my journey. Hopefully, I will conquer my challenges and things will level out to a more comfortable state, until I am ready for the next challenge. And next time maybe I won't take on so many things at once. God, I need a hug :)

No regrets. Always move forward with your head up and your heart open. And with my beloved in my heart, I can accomplish anything.


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