Saturday, June 22, 2013

Feeling Joyful

Yesterday really was a wonderful day and evening. Still floating on that high of getting the tattoo and going to the festival and dancing. One of those days that you wish you could go back and relive again , because it was just so special. Hopefully the memories will continue to give me that feeling. Spoke to Dave today and he and another guy are going to work on the hay with me. We had some heavy rain this afternoon, and it's supposed to continue to rain this week so probably will be the weekend before we get started. But hey, looks like I will be getting some help.

A little conflicted at first, but then this morning I awoke with a knowing. I start to feel a little guilty for having so much fun and enjoying myself , like I have lost the love of my life and should not be happy. But then I realize that I am moving on and feeling joy. Not moving away from Chip, but moving forward with him. He wants me to live and find my bliss, complete my journey, with him by my side. Everything I do, I do with him in mind and in heart. And I can't help but feel, no - know, that he is urging me on, telling me it's ok. Of course, I wish that he were here in the physical to experience these moments with me, but I also know that some of them may not have occurred in the same manner if that were so. I would forgo all this adventure in a heartbeat though, if I could have him back physically. Just to hear his voice and feel his touch once again. But our path has taken this turn, and I must be true to my destiny. We just are doing things a little differently now. A new way of life, a new adventure. But still, we are together.

It is so important to remember to love with all your heart. Sure, you can get hurt, but if you are true to yourself and your heart calling, you will emerge from any challenge a stronger, wiser, more advanced soul. I would never give up a single moment of my experiences in life, even if it would remove the pain that came along with some of them. All of these moments have combined to make me the person that I am. We are continually growing and evolving as both physical and spiritual beings. Every experience we have becomes an important piece of our identity. It is how we react to and deal with these challenges that determines the extent of our growth in this lifetime. And we will carry this on into the "after". So if we hold back because we are afraid of being hurt, look at all of the opportunities we are turning our backs on. I, for one, choose to boldly move forward, loving and giving freely. Yeah, I started backing off there for a while, fearful of  pain and rejection. But I realized that , that behavior was not actually protecting me, as I was hurting over the fact that I was closing myself off and not allowing the joy and fun and happiness into my heart. It was inauthentic and my soul was rebelling at my decision to act in fear. It was calling me out and chastising me for copping out. And the wonderful feeling of knowing others care about you, and allowing them to do so, and caring about others and realizing that we are all connected, is too precious to waste. And also I have noticed that now that I am back to feeling open, centered and grounded, life flows much more freely again and the connection to spirit is stronger. So go out there, live your lives, love and be loved, know that the universe is watching over you and live your adventure.

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