Saturday, June 29, 2013

Rainy Saturday

Went for a little memory trip in the shed today and when I came out it started to rain, then to pour. So what did I do? I went dancing in the rain, of course! Now I am soaked, and freezing. So, next I get on facebook to see what is up, and then start to blog, all while dripping wet. Maybe I should go get a hot shower and put on some dry clothes and then come back to this post. Knowing me, though, a nice nap will look good after that shower, so it may be a few hours before I come back here.

Looking into the capital gains tax I can expect to pay when I sell the farm in Indiana. Hopefully, with the deductions for the home farm, I can offset the majority of the tax obligation and realize as much as possible in profit from the sale. Then turn that around and put it into the house. New bathrooms and carpet! Wheeeee! And outside, a new shed, a barn rather, with stalls for the horses and plenty of room for all of the lawn and garden equipment and the tractor and bush hog. And maybe a pond. Oh, it is so nice to dream. And I do not feel guilty because Chip and I discussed all of these things, so I know that he is on board with them. Sure, I would rather he pick out the designs and placement for the new barn, but I am now empowering myself and am finding that it is becoming easier for me to make my own decisions, without needing the approval of others. Just love how the tattoo issue just smacked me right in the face. I was looking to everyone else to tell me if it was ok to get one, and the answer was within me all this time. And I need to remember the feeling of it because I had this calm, grounded sense of knowing that I was making the right decision. And I will want to draw on that in the future.

This came to me the other night:

Thunderstorm, cool breeze. the perfect night. How I wish that you were here physically, so we could sit together like we used to, side by side, arms touching, holding hands. Listening to the patter of the rain on the roof, our breaths synchronized, our hearts as one. You are here, I feel you, I sense you smiling sadly at my melancholy. I miss you, you know. And I understand. You are so much more now. Your heart, your soul, has expanded into infinity. If only I could see you, hear you. I know you try, and I just need to find the key to open that door to where you are, push aside the veil that covers my eyes, see and hear with my heart rather than my physical senses. And trust. I need to trust that what I sense is real.

The horses walk out of the woods. They stand in the field, grazing the sweet clover buds. The rain is refreshing, chasing the flies off for now. A nice cool shower. Such peace. I know that you are at peace too, and that you watch over and guide me. You have sent many friends my way, to walk the path with us. I have become quite close with some of them, and feel your approval - friends, teachers, family, we are all connected.

And the rain comes heavier. Lightening flashes across the sky and thunder roars. I could go out and dance in the rain, basking in the cool sharpness of the raindrops now pounding the leaves on the trees.

We are one, you and I, there is no doubt. But for my inexperience and uncertainty, we could dance together, a dance of love, a dance of joy, a dance of eternal souls. And someday soon, we shall.

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