You should never take anyone or anything for granted. Ever. Always be grateful. Always be willing to help out. Be brave. Be honest. If you care about someone, let them know. Don't hold off on telling people how much they mean to you just because you are afraid that they won't feel the same. Don't get jealous, or possessive, or envious. Ask for help when you need it. Don't be afraid to show what you perceive as weakness - for others may be aching for the opportunity to reach out and assist. Be kind. Life is way too short to go around being fearful. And really, all of the negative traits above originate from fear. How wonderful life would be for all of us if we just lived our lives based on love.
I know, I know - I do go on about love and flowers and rainbows and puppies. Stop retching and don't make fun of me. Being positive is a good trait. Last week was a tough one for me. There are a couple of old friends that I need to break up with. Free myself from the negativity and strife that they cause. There are people that I wish would like another chance. Like we could go back and start all over again and rebuild the trust that was broken. That is up to them. But once again I feel that I have gone through the shit field and emerged on the other side needing a shower, but with a much clearer idea of what to do. Hey, I'm tough. If anybody saw the video from last post - that is a 400 pound heifer and I was holding my own pretty well with her. So while you are going through your issues and working through them, life seems hard, and bleak and unfriendly. But once you come out the other side of it, you can see things much more clearly, solutions and answers come to you and you can begin the process of resolving, and learning from the situation and moving forward. That's where I am right now on the trust and friend issue. And it is a relief. Even though I am saddened that it happened, I will be able to chalk it up as a learning experience and step out looking for the next adventure.
Today was one of those days where I felt really inadequate at work. You see, there are so many different courts, and each one has its own particular rules, so there are any number of ways to process the same kind of document. I have no idea how to do any of them, as I have only just begun to learn criminal procedure. So I spent a good amount of time on some Praecipe's for subpoena Duces Tecum, only to discover ( thank you Melissa ) that even though I did a bang up job ( in my opinion ), I used a format that the particular court would not accept. Aughhh. And that was the beginning of the spiral into my " oh my god I will never learn all this I am so stupid how will I ever learn all of this and become the assistant that I want to be for these awesome attorneys and show them that I am fantastic and smart and valuable and they will think I am great and pat me on the back and tell me how wonderful I am and I will make their lives so much easier and everyone will love me and....." Get it?
So basically, I felt stupid. And then some people in the office reminded me that I am new, and just learning and how could I be expected to know all this stuff. And I told Rebecca and Eliot that I so want to be the best assistant and read their mind before they even think of what they want to do. And then I stepped back and took a breath and realized ( thank you Rebecca ) that I CAN do this. I need to have a little self confidence, and I will learn all this stuff. Remember, everything I have ever tried, I have mastered. And it just takes time and patience. Oh God! There's that "P" word again.
And more and more each day I am reminded that I was brought to this. Here's where the grateful and not taking things for granted comes in. BMK and Candice, though they are younger than I , have essentially become like my big brother and big sister. They are looking out for my feelings and making sure that people don't hurt me or take advantage of me. Ok, I can take care of myself for the most part, but emotionally I can be fragile now and then. ( But you couldn't tell that at all, could you? ) And it is such a wonderful feeling, that knowing that someone has your back. And of course, I have their backs too. And Candice, I have no doubt that you would do some major butt kicking on my behalf. Just set up your pay pal account and send me the bill.
Looks like Ella will be coming to play on Friday and I am very excited to see her. She is such a sweetie. I am surrounded by these awesome little girls and it is like heaven to me. Again, a blessing that comes along with my job.
So anyway, trying to get across the point that the goal is peace. And it is coming back. Stop, take a breath, get grounded and centered. And just be positive. Be kind. Be honest. And of course I am being "nudged" to add BE PATIENT. Sure sure, I know. I hear ya.