Monday, May 6, 2013

Maybe It's Not Just Another Day

So today is my birthday, and I really was going at this whole thing with the idea that it is just another day. Especially since the person that I would love to celebrate with is not physically here. But my friends and family had different ideas and I have been inundated with love and well wishes. And I even got sung to.  So this just in. Chip wants me to live on and be happy. It is no honor to him for me to be sad and depressed and to deny myself the happiness that I deserve. And I know this. I love and miss him terribly, and things just are not the same since he has gone to the other side. But I do know that he is here, encouraging me to feel the joy and excitement and good things that life has in store for me. He is right here by my side, enjoying the experiences along with me. I've no doubt that he was along on my job interview, and on the drive home when I woo hoo'd myself hoarse. And all the other times I have happiness and victories, regardless of how small. It is important to remember that it is beneficial to him as well as myself for me to be joyous and revel in the beauty and awe of this life. So I can give myself permission to be happy, and in doing so, I will make Chip happy as well.

Rebecca sent Blue out to get me a giant birthday cookie today. How sweet is that?! Here is a picture that I took with my new phone that really works. Love the colors!

Photo: Look what I got from my friends are my new job!!!

So, yeah, I am feeling the love. And I love you all back.

Annie seemed to know that I was having a rough week last week and on the weekend and she has been the ultimate companion. Last night she came over to me and put her head in my lap and looked up at me with those big brown eyes and handed me her hedgehog toy. It was so cold and rainy out , or else I would have gone outside with her and played for a while.

Here's the thing. I know that I am growing and evolving. And I know also that I am afraid to reach out when I need a hand sometimes. And I get it, I really do. There is no shame, no weakness, in asking for help. Actually it is a sign of strength, and of trust. Shit, I wear my heart on my sleeve anyway, so what's a little more vulnerability? And it is hard for me to put my finger on exactly what has got me so out of sorts. But Brad gave me some insight tonight, and that makes perfect sense to me. So, let's work on this and get me back to feeling like my true self - the joyous, good hearted, goofy, ever optimistic, totally loving, loveable, successful, excellent  and awesome ME!!

And now,There is a lot more I would like to say but it will have to waid because my eyes are growing heavy and methinks it is time for bed. Time to go have wonderful dreams ( I hope Chip will pop in for a birthday surprise) and an even more awesome day tomorrow.

Hope you have a most excellent day!

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