Tuesday, July 30, 2013

A Very Insane Day

So glad today is over as far as work is concerned. I mean, I have some things left to do that I just wasn't able to finish because it was so crazy. Very hectic day. That on top of me not feeling exactly excellent today to begin with. I was not able to dance. No way was that going to happen today. I mentioned to BMK that I wanted to and he almost took away some of my street cred points. Ah.
But had there been time and had I the inclination to do so, a nice dance would have worked wonders. But when everyone , self included, is having as stressful of a day as we were today, there just isn't the opportunity to do so.

BS made a point last night that I must remember. There are some things that are picking at me that want to be acknowledged, written down, and dealt with. Turning my back to them in hopes that things will get better and I can forget about them will not work. They need to be addressed and tackled. Because, BS, you are right. They just keep on rearing back up later and getting my attention. I will need to be very brave with a couple of them. They scare me, because I am not so sure I really want to know the answer. Some of them may be hurtful, and right now, even though they are causing stress and confusion sometimes, that appears better to me than if I get an answer that I don't think I want. But it is time to move on. I can no longer allow myself to be held back by limiting beliefs, or by ideas that do not /can not come to fruition. This stress is tearing me apart. I long for the peaceful knowing that all is well. Things have been way too hectic lately and if I cannot get back into a relaxed balance, I fear I will self destruct. I do not want all of this stress. It is important to reevaluate my situation, and to remove all of the things that are causing stress in my life that are not serving me. Some of these things are lessons to be learned and I hope to learn, grow from them and then send them on their way.

After this very stressful day, I am realizing that life is way too short and I can't hold back any longer. If I have a purpose, then I need to go for it. Oh, I know that I must be patient, for things will come as they are ready to. But at the same time, I need to assert to the Universe that I am ready. Right now I feel as if I am drowning, flailing around, trying to surface. So I need to make a conscious effort to list each of the issues that are standing before me demanding acknowledgement, no matter how afraid I am to do so, and deal with them. So many questions. But as you can see, I am revved up and raring to go. Is this a small catalyst to give me more incentive? There are some things I am being wimpy wimpy wimpy on. ( That's for you, BMK ) I need to know. Do you or don't you, are you or aren't you, will I or won't I? So perhaps working on them is what the Universe wants from me. Aughhhhhh!!! This evolving stuff is tough.

But I have a good gang of friends to walk beside. Hope to add some new ones as we go. We are all in this together. Let my questions, mistakes, pain and joy, my journey, keep you from taking a wrong turn and  help you find your way in yours.

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