Thursday, July 18, 2013

Getting A Jump On Things

We will be doing hay all night tonight so I have decided to spend my lunch blogging today. If all goes well, the hay will be completely finished tonight and then begins the task of moving the bales about and placing them in the barn, etc. I would really like to keep them around the fence lines, so that this Winter we can just go out and push them in one by one, but there are several reasons that it is not a great idea: 1. they will get wet and moldy and the quality will be greatly compromised if they are left out to the elements. 2. If I choose to sell any, see number 1. 3. If the cows get out ( like last year) then they will destroy the bales ahead of time and I can't afford to lose them to waste like that. 4. I am becoming increasingly confident with my tractor skills and if I set the place up for winter, I should be able to get the bales in and out of the feedlot with little problem. So if , when the time comes to begin feeding, I put a few bales around the fence line for if the weather is too bad to get the tractor out, and then just take the rest of them out with the tractor into the feeders in the feed lot as needed, we should be fine. And I think I will even be able to drive the big tractor to get them out if it is wet and sloppy. So that, my friends, is progress. I AM accomplished! I AM able to do this!

Thank you so much to David and Joe for all your help. I could not have done this without you. You have both given so much of your time to helping me and it is important for you to know how much this means to me. You are both the definition of true friends. I know neither of you will be reading this, but I need to journalize it nonetheless. You have both put aside time that you could have spent otherwise, resting or getting other things done for yourselves and your families. And you selflessly have given me much of your time. Chip is standing by proudly, beaming at your kindness and friendship, and even laughing at how you both bicker with one another like an old married couple. And I think he also is pleased at how you are being so careful with his equipment, and the respect you are exhibiting. And also, your advice, and your consideration of my feelings are very much appreciated.  Thank you both a million times.

And like I posted last night, no more negative. I have been so overwhelmed by it lately that it has made me physically ill. And heartsick as well. For the last two weeks, the negative ones had control over my emotions, and that is my fault because I allowed them in. I need to learn to protect myself more effectively and to surround myself and those I care about with love and light. As I stated  previously, no more! I realized what was going on and worked through that and I am full on my way to healing that situation.  All a learning experience. A painful one but a valuable one. It is difficult enough for me to trust, based on past experiences, and I will no longer allow anyone to hurt my heart. And I am working so hard on being open hearted, so this makes it hard. I want to love and believe with all my heart - it is really in my nature, but when people screw with my feelings and hurt me it makes it very difficult and confusing for me. And ( my favorite saying thanks to my dear friend Beth) Ain't nobody got time for that! So, I am back on track and I feel like I am going to get better and better as each day goes on. BS told me that when we are growing into our power, we go through these huge shifts, and that is what I believe is going on. I have noticed that each new or different "experience" I have is preceded by one of these periods of high emotion and frustration. You'd think I would eventually get wise to this and when I start to feel the stress, just hunker down, ground myself, put up my shields, and change my attitude to one of appreciation and anticipation of the new lesson and accept and welcome it with grace. After all, after the storm comes the rainbow.

So my friends, I will be working out in the fields tonight, in the 95 degree sun, hay dust flying up my nose. Pretty image that conjures, no? Ah, after this a shower has never felt so good. Makes you appreciate the little things that you normally take for granted.

And we are finished with the hay!  Woo hoo!!  78 bales, much more than I expected. Now time to take a shower and relax.  Ohhh  my back has blisters on it from the sunburn. Ick. Well, I am going to do that shower, and sit and talk to Chip. I know he is pleased. And I am too.

Love and light to all!!!!!

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