Monday, July 8, 2013

Crazy Mixed Up Day

Yes, it was. And I only have a few minutes to blog, because I am going to get another cold shower ( second one today ) and then go to bed. I am exhausted physically and mentally and emotionally. Had 3 whiskey and cokes on an empty stomach, then some Kentucky Fried Chicken, extra crispy ( extra greasy) that had been sitting out for 3 hours. On top of the cheese conies BMK brought for lunch today. God, I need prayers for that all to go down without a fight. Don't even want to imagine the carnage that is taking place in my intestines right now.

So I have been doing a lot of posts about truth, and courage and trust. Tell people how you feel. If you love them, tell them, if you have issue with them, tell them. I put my money where my mouth is and did this very difficult thing today. And it was extremely painful for me. But I do sense that it will be very beneficial as well. I am a loyal person. Loyal to the death if need be. You don't betray me, and I won't betray you. I will have your back and be your right hand to my dying day. I will give you my whole heart and soul. This is how Chip and I were. No questions, no doubts. This is how I feel about several people in my life. I feel a huge loyalty to my job and the people I work for. To a few special friends, to family. And I also have to be loyal to myself. That's the hard part, because it can be confusing. How do I know what that means?  So it was hard. It hurt. But I voiced my feelings, and let them to the universe to be filtered and resolved. I need to be able to trust again, no more fear, no more holding back.  Now it is time to begin to heal. Yeah, just like my post last night, I feel like I launched myself into the middle of a honey locust tree grove ( see previous post with picture of the wicked 8 inch spiked thorns ) and now I am off to put antiseptic on the puncture wounds and stop the bleeding in my heart.

To my friends , I appreciate you. Thank you for being so fiercely protective of me. ALL of you. All of you.  

To YOU, I send love and light. Always. I will never betray you, no matter. I will not compromise my integrity.

 Nor will I tolerate dishonesty, betrayal , or bullshit drama. Take notice. Your knowing failure to comply with this provision shall be punishable with contempt of the friendship contract.  ( Beth, you should get a kick out of my adding the mandatory language.)

Tomorrow is a new day. I intend to start a new chapter of my life. I am going to begin again and start to heal, and learn who I am able to trust and who I cannot allow in my life. Spirit will show me the truth. Yes, the truth shall set you free.  Those who wish to continue to journey with me, welcome. Again, take notice, this is a no betrayal zone. Starting tomorrow, it is officially declared that I have taken on that obstacle, forged through it, taken my lumps, come out the other side and am now licking my wounds, never to have to experience this lesson again. ( BETTER NOT!!!)

No more negative, no more drama, no more mistrust. No room for it. Don't go there. " Ain't nobody got time for that."  Much love to you all. All of you.

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